As leaders, we often face criticism, complaints, or negative feedback, whether it’s from employees, colleagues, or clients. It’s natural to feel defensive or dismissive when confronted with complaints, especially if they seem exaggerated, misinformed, or based on emotion rather than fact. But what if we approached these situations with a mindset that acknowledges that 10-15% of every complaint is valid?

The concept is simple: even in the most challenging or frustrating complaints, there is often a kernel of truth. If we can identify and act on that small percentage, we not only address the root cause but also dramatically improve our leadership and relationships. By focusing on the valid 10-15%, we can make meaningful changes that please the other person, strengthen our leadership, and watch the rest of the complaint fade away.

Why the 10-15% Rule Matters

1. It Builds Trust and Empathy

When someone brings a complaint to you, they’re often looking for validation. By listening and acknowledging the valid part of their concern, you build trust and demonstrate empathy. Even if 85-90% of their complaint is emotional or exaggerated, taking the time to find the valid portion signals that you care about their perspective.

This is critical for leaders. Trust is the foundation of effective leadership, and leaders who show they are willing to listen, learn, and change based on feedback are more likely to earn the respect and loyalty of their teams.

2. It Enhances Self-Awareness

A key element of emotional intelligence is self-awareness—the ability to understand how our behavior impacts others. When we focus on the valid 10-15% of a complaint, we force ourselves to reflect on our actions or decisions objectively. This helps us identify areas where we can improve, even if the overall complaint feels unfair.

Self-aware leaders are better equipped to grow and adapt. By making small, targeted improvements based on legitimate feedback, they enhance their leadership skills and become more effective over time.

3. It Encourages Constructive Change

Often, the valid part of a complaint highlights an area where a system, process, or behavior isn’t working as well as it should. By identifying this portion and taking action, you can create constructive change that benefits everyone.

For example, if an employee complains about micromanagement, even if you feel you’re not overly controlling, there might be a valid concern about how much autonomy they have in their role. By giving them a little more responsibility, you not only address their specific concern but may also increase their job satisfaction and productivity. Addressing the valid 10-15% can lead to real improvements that extend beyond the initial complaint.

How to Apply the 10-15% Rule

1. Listen Actively Without Defensiveness

The first step in applying the 10-15% rule is to listen carefully. This means resisting the urge to interrupt, defend yourself, or dismiss the complaint. Active listening involves giving the other person your full attention, asking clarifying questions, and showing empathy for their feelings.

2. Identify the Core Issue

Once you’ve listened to the complaint, take time to separate the emotion from the facts. Ask yourself: What part of this complaint is rooted in a legitimate concern? Even if the complaint is wrapped in frustration or hyperbole, there is likely a specific issue at its core that can be addressed.

For example, an employee may complain, “You never listen to our ideas!” While the word “never” is likely an exaggeration, the valid part of their concern may be that they feel unheard during team meetings. By identifying this specific issue, you can take steps to improve communication and ensure that everyone has a voice.

3. Acknowledge and Validate the Concern

After identifying the valid 10-15%, acknowledge it. Let the other person know you hear them and that you recognize the legitimacy of their concern. This validation can go a long way in diffusing tension and making the person feel respected.

You might say something like, “I understand that you feel I haven’t been giving enough attention to your ideas in meetings. I can see how that would be frustrating, and I’ll work on ensuring everyone gets a chance to contribute.”

4. Take Action

The most important part of this process is following through. Identifying the valid portion of a complaint is only helpful if you use that insight to make a positive change. This doesn’t mean you have to overhaul everything based on one piece of feedback, but it does mean making small, meaningful adjustments.

In the previous example, this might involve creating more opportunities for team members to share their thoughts or actively soliciting input from quieter members of the group. By making these changes, you demonstrate that you’re responsive and committed to improvement.

5. Watch the 85-90% Disappear

Once the valid concern has been addressed, something remarkable often happens: the remaining 85-90% of the complaint vanishes. When people feel heard and see action being taken, their frustrations dissipate. Often, the emotional weight of the complaint was tied to feeling ignored or powerless. By addressing the root cause, you remove the fuel behind the rest of the complaint.

The Impact on Leadership

Leaders who consistently apply the 10-15% rule create a culture of openness, accountability, and growth. By seeking out the truth in every complaint and using it to drive positive change, they not only resolve issues but also foster an environment where feedback is valued, and continuous improvement is the norm.

The next time you face a complaint, instead of dismissing it or getting defensive, take a moment to reflect on what part of it might be valid. By finding and addressing that 10-15%, you’ll strengthen your leadership, improve relationships, and create lasting, positive change.